Tuesday, December 30, 2008

....NO, I WON'T GO BACK TO SEE HIM...

As I got back to my apartment, I ran into Mike, my neighbor from downstairs. We chatted for a second, then told him I had to go. Too many thoughts in my head, and I didn't like that. Who was he, and why in the world would Dan land in my apartment of all apartments? Because he saw the door slightly opened, or the light was on? Is that what he told me?

As I was getting undressed, someone came in, and I wasn't in the mood to talk or deal with anyone, so I told him to leave. Maybe I could have been nicer about it but with too much happening so quickly, and not understanding what was happening to me as of lately, I wasn't in the mood to watch my p's and q's with anyone. I put up my hand to wave him away and on he went.



So now I'm thinking that I'm in control all the time. Then I have some crazy ass dream that flips me the hell out, not knowing if I'm coming or going anymore, and then I have a bloody guy standing in the middle of my apartment dripping blood all over the place. How's that for a week? How would you feel if something like this happened to YOU? Feeling a little out of control was to say the least.

It's sad, as I now had no intentions of going back to the hospital to visit this screwed up mess! Or should I? No, I won't. I'm too tired to even move. I'm going to bed and maybe my phantom lover will drop by and give me another ride of my life that I can certainly use right now, yeah, wishful thinking! So I lay down and toss and turn before I finally go to sleep.

Two hours pass, and I'm waking up in a fog. I still lye there, analyzing why the shit is hitting the fan. Hmm, could it be because I didn't help my little brother do his homework when my mother asked me to, or was it because I skipped school to hang out and smoke at the mall with my girlfriends, and meet boys, or was it because at 16 I fucked my sexy 36 year old neighbor whose wife was a prissy rich blonde with an attitude as big as New Jersey? I remembered how she would boss him around, while giving me dirty looks. This guy was sexy, super hot with a ripped bod that could get it up and keep it up all night long. I wonder if she ever found out about us? Anyway, she deserved it.

No, that isn't why. You know, the last thing that Dan told me as I was leaving his hospital room was to lock my door when I got home. That was nice. I locked my door after I got up and decided to watch some t.v. Nothing exciting was on, so I started to read a book. Was I really losing my mind? I hadn't read a book in years, but now it seemed like the thing to do. No it wasn't, it was a stupid thing to do. After starring at the wall for too long, I decided to go outside for a nice long walk.






I needed to come down from all this, and the first thing to do was to get back in control. So I walked and walked, and I didn't know but before I realized it, it was hours of walking that I had no idea of how long I was walking. And then as I'm looking up at a certain building, it was the hospital. The hospital where Dan was in. It certainly was after visiting hours, but I couldn't help myself, and I went in. I figured they would throw me out, or at least inquire why I was there. I thought of saying I just wanted to get something at the gift shop for a patient and bring it to him tomorrow, but so far no one saw me. I saw the elevator light going down, and when it reached the ground floor, I hopped right in! No one was on it.

I knew now if I could only see him but for just a few moments, it would be ok. The elevator door opened, and the entire nurses station with at least 4 nurses were standing right there. I would be bold and just walk to his room, when all of a sudden, a nurse called out to me and asked where I was going. I hadn't seen her earlier, so I quickly said I was Dan's sister and that I was leaving in the morning and couldn't come earlier to visit. She seemed to hesitate, as my feet started taking me closer to his room. She said ok but that I couldn't stay long, and I thanked her.

I finally reached Dan's room, as it seemed to be the longest walk I've ever taken. I was hoping he would be alone in his room, and as I approached it, he was. At first I just stood there, as I slowly closed the door behind me. I was glad to see that no one was sharing the room with him, as it would have been unlikely to have given him a private room. He saw me. His face seemed to brighten up and asked how I got in, knowing it was past visiting hours. I told him 'I knew people', and he laughed with pain. He asked me to come closer. I did. I asked him how he was feeling and he told me he felt like hell.

I noticed all the wires they had on him, one to monitor his breathing, and others I couldn't begin to explain. He told me how happy he was to see me and that he didn't think I was coming once it passed 8:00. I told him I wouldn't miss seeing him, but had slept through my nap. He was shocked when I told him I walked all the way. He couldn't believe I walked. I couldn't believe it either. He reached out for my hand, and when I reached out to hold his, he yanked me towards him to give me a hug. He felt so good. For someone with stab wounds, he didn't look half bad. I didn't move. I kept my head on his chest, and his hand stroked the back of my head.

I heard footsteps walking towards the room, when they pasted us by. His chest was so sexy, yet only covered to his waist. My hand rested gently on his wounded belly. The room was dark, with only light coming from the street light outside his window. It gave off a golden cast, and it seemed as if we could have been in my apartment instead of a hospital room.

He then caressed my head a little harder, yet gently, and I looked up at his handsome face when he kissed me. I touched his face, then his hair, and told him he looked pretty good for a guy who just went through the ringer. As I moved my hand away and onto his shoulder, he said that felt so very good. I then rubbed his chest and looked into his eyes. My body was already wet with desire, and I ran over to the door to lock it. I wouldn't care if anyone knocked. I reached over to his bed sheets and yanked them off him. His lean ripped body made me more wet with anxiousness. I took my capri's off, carefully got on his bed and straddled him. I felt every muscle in his body move. I kissed his lips, and he kissed me back with a fury. He was shaking, and so was I. What if a nurse was to knock this very minute? What if security would try to come in?


His erect penis slid into me, and I then ripped off my blouse. We moved together in motion, first slowly, then more vigorously while his hands fondled my breasts, and leaning over to kiss my body. He would lift me up and place me closer with his hands around my waist, feeling my stomach and clutching onto my hips. He moaned both with pleasure and pain during thrusts and he came quickly. Before I was to get off the bed, I looked deeply into his eyes. No words, just a deep look. He cradled my face and told me he wanted more. Then, someone was trying to come in. I got to the door in time struggling to put my clothes back on, and opened it.

The nurse knew immediatley I wasn't his sister, and asked me to leave as visiting hours were way past over. She indicated that the door should never be locked as that was against hospital policy. I felt like telling her to 'policy this', but cordially agreed. I went over to Dan and kissed him goodbye. He kissed me back. He told me to take a cab home and he wanted me to reasure him that I would. She was still standing there when he told her I was leaving. Please, he asked me, please come see me tomorrow, please, I need you, he told me. I told him I would. I kissed him gently on the lips again and said goodnight.

When I got downstairs, I called a cab. I was soon home.

DO I RETURN?

So I lay on my floor, thinking of what the next day will bring for my wounded intruder. He seemed like he wanted to tell me what happened, and I was willing to listen. So here I am, on my floor, thinking of the story he's about to tell, when I hear a moan coming from my bedroom. It's Dan, needing help to get up.


As I enter the room, he's crouching in the corner of the floor, moaning in pain. I get him back into bed, and tell him he's going to the hospital or he can die. I don't give him an ultimatum, and he finally does as I say.

I help him get dressed with clothes that I had from a previous boyfriend. They weren't the perfect fit, but it was better then nothing. I called a cab, and it arrives sooner than I think. I slowly help him up, clutching onto his waist and chest. As Dan is in horrible pain, I yet can't help but notice his muscular body. His pain is getting worse, only for his wounds to open up again and start bleeding. We get in the cab, and as we're on our way, the cab driver doesn't stop asking questions. I told him if he didn't shut up, he wouldn't get a nice fat tip. Suddenly not another word came out of his mouth.

I got help from the emergency room to help Dan out of the cab, and they immediately put him on a gurney. My mind now is racing with thoughts of what he's going to tell the doctors, and I don't even try to give him advice. I'm allowed to follow the interns and nurses, and they take him into an examining room to attend to his wounds. As they strip off his clothes, he's lying there naked, as they attempt to stop the blood coming out of his chest and belly. I could just stand there and watch, feeling his pain as they begin sewing him up.







They begin to ask him the obvious questions, and he goes into a rant that doesn't make sense. Then they start asking me the same questions, only to let them know the truth. That he appeared at my front door, and all I did was to come to his aide. No more, no less. They tell me he has to stay over night, and as they leave, I see his stitched up body, as he looked so alone and helpless. Maybe it was me that felt so alone, so helpless.


I stayed with him in his room for a while longer, as I needed to get back to my apartment. So now what? Do I leave him there? He had to have relatives, friends, someone that would help him. I told him I would see him later, and to call me if he wanted to talk before I returned. But would I come back?